Dear friend,
Breakups suck. No matter whether you were the one who ended that relationship or the one that received the bad news. I know that this doesn’t feel good right now.
I still remember my first heartbreak. I felt so sad and depressed. My body would feel anxiety. I did not want to eat much. I thought this feeling will never go away. I wanted to say so many things to the person that hurt me. But like all situations, feelings, and emotions, this one is temporary too.
There is a lot going on inside of you. You feel rough. You feel sad. You feel angry. You feel weird. You feel a lot of emotions at the same time.
One of my favorite mantras is “This too shall pass”. Εverything is temporary and one situation gets replaced by another. Nothing is permanent. This is true for the emotions you may be experiencing right now.
Well, you have just experienced a small death. Just like all endings! Breakups also follow the five stages of grief.
Even if you were the one who initiated the split, there are five stages of grief that you will go through. These are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These are the natural steps of the process for your heart to heal.
In this blog, I will share with you my favorite and most effective breakup techniques as well as tips on how to walk out of that relationship like a king or queen.
The majority of the time we focus on heartbreaks related to love, but the same principles apply to work situations as well as extended relationships in your life.
I know you now want to read about love, but keep in mind, ends & beginnings follow the universal laws of nature! Birth - Death. Start - Finish. Beginning - End. You can apply it to similar situations.
Your friend may have betrayed you. Your employer may have sent you home. The value of this blog is in how you can treat the period that follows the end of any relationship in your life.
First things first. All humans feel heartache. All humans have been heartbroken at least once. That's the beauty of love. Isn’t it? You experience and feel things intensify. You experience and feel things x10.
With no further ado let's move into the actionable part of this article. Feel free to try everything or just the things that resonated with you.
3 Coaching Techniques
In my coaching career, people often reach out to me because of “love”. Struggles can be related to self-love & acceptance but also the relationships with others in life.
Apply the below techniques after a rough breakup and I guarantee you will feel differently afterward.
Love Reappraisal Method
Affirmations work. Like strengthening your mindset, in the breakup situation, you can use affirmations or other powerful statements to support yourself and remind your mind of what is happening and how it should react.
Repeat the following statement: “It’s okay to love someone who I am no longer with”.
Other motivational statements that can help you:
“ Love is beautiful even when it hurts”
“ It is okay to feel the pain today, tomorrow I will feel the happiness”
This method aims to help you realize that having all of these feelings are normal.
Understanding this will help you accept your feelings without any judgment or need to be reciprocated.
Negative Re-Appraisal Strategy
This is a powerful recovery technique that can help you after a breakup.
How it works:
Identify and list down all of your ex's negative traits or annoying habits.
I predominantly use positive psychology & reinforcement techniques in my practice, but I found this exercise beneficial for many of my clients. It is okay not to like something and now is the perfect time to put things in perspective.
What makes coping with breakups extremely challenging is that most people tend to remember only the good things about their relationship.
As a result, they put their relationships and exes on a pedestal, which makes it more difficult for them to move on.
What are you waiting for? Grab your pen and paper and let it all out.
PRO TIP: Burn the paper afterward* and let the healing powers of the fire lead you to detachment
* Always take precautions when you do that. Stay safe!
Distraction Technique
“What you feed grows, what you neglect dies”.
Well, that applies to coping with breakups too.
The more you focus and think about the relationship, the more you will long for the love that was lost.
If you want to move on truly, you need to turn your focus away from the person, what the relationship was, and eventually, it will lose its hold on you.
The best way to do that is to “distract” yourself.
You now have more time for yourself! Use it!
Start by thinking about positive things that are unrelated to your ex.
Make a list of that as well. Your life can be beautiful without them. Your life is precious.
10 things to do asap that will help you deal with your breakup
1. Cry it out. (But Only For A Bit)
2. Get Rid Of Your Ex’s Stuff. Yes, give that stuffed bunny to your neighbor's kid or to a charity. You do not need it.
3. Work Out. Your body is powerful and exercise helps you release hormones. Plus it will help your “game” when you are ready.
4. Go On An Adventure. I am a travel queen myself. DM me on instagram and I will give you travel tips.
5. Try something new. What's one thing on your bucket list you haven't tried yet? Go for it!
6. Breathe. Close your eyes and slow your breath so that the length of your inhale matches the length of your exhale. Count to six as you breathe in, and six as you breathe out.
7. Journal absolutely everything. Crack open that notebook and let it all out.
8. Dance. Movement is a great way to become deeply, inescapably present, which is tough when you’re stuck in the pain of a breakup. It’s also great to get stagnant emotions moving and connect with others.
9. Practice gratitude. You have so many things in your life worth cherishing.
10. Reach out to a coach or psychologist. Experts' help is always the greatest help. Here if you need my support.
Remember that you are human. Heartbreak causes major physiological and neurochemical changes. It is normal to feel hurt and still not be even for a long time afterward.
My final words to you. You are whole. You came to this planet complete and beautiful. I know it hurts, but right now you are growing more. I am proud of you.
Love,
Sofia